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Sacrificing
My Sanity And Sleep In The Name Of Love
Does this sound familiar?
Does hearing your baby cry make you feel guilty or like a bad mom?
Does a really bad night of sleep ever make you question if this is all worth it? If you were actually meant to be a parent?
Are you so exhausted it scares you?
Have you started to doubt if you’re capable of being the mom your baby needs when you’re this tired?
Have you ever gotten so frustrated when your baby won’t sleep that you’ve burst into tears or felt like you wanted to scream?
Feel judged or guilty or selfish for even considering sleep training…
Know you want to sleep train, but you haven’t because thinking about it sends you into a spiral or gives you a panic attack…
Even tried to sleep train, but always caved because you couldn’t handle the crying…
Maybe you...
I help mommas just like you to be successful with sleep training (without having to cry it out) and get their sanity back.
EVERY CONVERSATION, EVERY TEXT WAS MET WITH COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, AND A GENUINE WANT TO HELP.
We loved working with Tara! Every conversation, every text was met with compassion, understanding, and a genuine want to help. I especially liked how she set parameters but we were able to figure out what worked best for our family and make it our own. Her detailed information from the beginning really set us up for success. It opened our eyes to the fact that our little one wasn't eating enough during the day and once we began working on that, naps improved, and so did sleeping through the night. We are now able to give a better version of ourselves to our little one which is a huge blessing.
- Ali S., 16 week old baby
we'll continue to work with tara through toddlerhood because she's been so helpful for us as first time parents.
Before working with Tara, our sleep situation was a disaster. We had fallen into a routine of letting our little one sleep on top of us for hours at a time. My husband would stay awake with the baby sleeping on him from 9pm to 3am and then I would take over at 3am. We were exhausted and our baby still wasn’t napping well during the day. With Tara’s help the baby started sleeping most nights from 7pm to 6:30am without waking up at all. It was a miracle. We’ll continue to work with Tara through toddlerhood because she’s been so helpful for us as first time parents.
- Kate B., 11 week old baby
What is “sleep training”?
Sleep training means teaching your baby to fall asleep, and back to sleep, independently in their own separate sleep space (which could be in their own room or in your room). Falling asleep independently means they aren’t fed or rocked to sleep or need to be held or in motion in order to stay asleep.
Sleep training ≠ night weaning - some families do both at the same time, but you can enjoy the benefits of independent sleep even if you want or need to continue to feed overnight.
Sleep training ≠ Cry It Out (CIO). Also known as extinction, CIO is just one method of sleep training. Independent sleep can be accomplished through a range of methods and families can choose whichever one feels right for them and for their baby.
Since people use the term “sleep training” to mean a wide variety of things, let’s pause a moment so I can define what I mean when I say sleep training.
This Could Be You
I feel like I’ve barely slept for months and I’m losing my mind.
I haven’t been able to figure out a good routine and I feel like a terrible mother because of it.
I dread bedtime so much. Not knowing how long it will take to get my baby to sleep…or how long it will last…puts me so on edge.
I feel so defeated about my baby’s sleep.
Having to constantly hold my fussy baby or spending hours nursing/rocking/bouncing her has me on the verge of a mental breakdown.
I feel like being exhausted 24/7 is making my postpartum depression/anxiety so much worse.
I know I need to get more sleep but my baby crying triggers my depression/anxiety so I feel stuck and don’t know what to do.
Sleep training saved my sanity. I can function at work and enjoy time with my partner and friends again.
Our days are more predictable now, and we’ve been able to return to a sense of normalcy.
Bedtime is my favorite time of day. I savor those snuggles and that last feeding because I know I’m about to get some “me time” and a full night’s rest!
My baby is an amazing sleeper and I feel so much more confident as a mom.
We’re both so much calmer! She goes to sleep easily because she isn’t overtired and she can play by herself without fussing when I need to do stuff around the house.
Knowing I have a guaranteed break to look forward to helps me be more present and bond with my baby when he’s awake.
My baby is a happier baby having learned the skill of independent sleep and I feel so accomplished for being able to push through and teach him that!
Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma
This program is for motivated mommas who are ready to let go of their fears and guilt over sleep training and learn the tools they need to be successful in teaching their baby to sleep independently. Through 1:1 coaching and support with an expert in both infant sleep and maternal mental health, you can stop feeling powerless to improve your baby’s sleep and start getting the rest you need to get your sanity back and be the best momma you can be for your little one!
Let’s get started! You’ll complete a questionnaire so I can understand what sleep looks like in your home now, what your goals are, and any current obstacles to making changes.
I’ll review your answers and then create a completely customized plan for you and your little one that covers everything YOU need to be successful with sleep training.
Step 1: Assessment
Preparation
We’ll start by covering “Healthy Sleep Foundations” (full feedings, wake windows, and naptime/bedtime routines) so you can start seeing some improvement in your baby’s sleep right away. Additional topics* covered are customized based on your initial assessment, and may include any of the following:
• Challenging Myths about Sleep Training
• Understanding the Postpartum Brain
• Getting Effective Support from Your Partner
• Psychoeducation on Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc.
• In-the-Moment Coping Strategies
*Included in the All-Inclusive Package only
It’s go time! You’re ready to begin sleep training and I will be here holding your (virtual) hand the whole way!
Over the course of one week (a period of 7 consecutive days), you’ll implement the plan we created together and keep a log for me to review each day. I will be available daily through Voxer for voice/text support to encourage and reassure you, help you troubleshoot any issues, and celebrate your successes!
Implementation
You did it! After we finish working together, I will send you my graduation guide, “We Sleep Trained, Now What?”
This guide covers daytime/nighttime sleep needs, recommended wake windows, and sample schedules for every age from birth through age 2 so you can be confident your baby is continuing to get the rest they need as their sleep needs change! This guide also covers all of the most common sleep disruptors through the infant and toddler years and how to deal with them.
Follow-Up Support
For families in the denver metro area
If you're looking for some in-person support with sleep training - whether that is at bedtime, overnight, or at naptimes - I offer completely customized hybrid packages for families local to Denver, CO. Let's chat and talk more about if hybrid support would be right for your family!
Looking for in-person support?
Still Have Questions?
Hiring a sleep consultant is a big investment and I want to make sure that you are ready, that my philosophies are the right fit for your parenting style, and that my services will help you to accomplish your specific goals!
If it turns out I'm not a good fit for you, I’ll help connect you to another sleep consultant or to other resources to better meet your needs!
Book Your Free 15-Minute Discovery Call
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
It is a common misconception that sleep training can’t begin until a baby is a certain age or weight. I’ve heard everything from older than 4 months, over 6 months, over a year if baby is breastfed, not until baby has doubled their birth weight, etc.
Yes, some methods of sleep training are better suited to older babies.
Yes, some babies are not ready or able to go all night without eating for a variety of reasons (including age, but also due to their daytime feeding schedule, slow weight gain, or mom’s milk supply, to name a few).
But NO, sleep training - meaning teaching your baby to fall asleep and fall back asleep independently - can begin from birth! What that process will look like will vary depending on your baby’s age and if they are or are not ready to night wean…but better sleep for both you and baby can start RIGHT NOW - it’s up to you!*
*I do always recommend consulting with your pediatrician to make sure there are no medical issues that would make it ill-advised for your baby to begin learning independent sleep.
My Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma program is best suited for babies 3-12 months. We can start as early as about 9-10 weeks, but if your baby is younger than 8 weeks old, I recommend checking out my Newborn Sleep Shaping services here. If your baby is a bit past 12 months, that’s fine too, but if your child is well beyond one year old and/or has transitioned out of the crib, then I recommend working with a sleep consultant who specializes in toddlers! (Email me at tara@arenewedmomma.com if you would like recommendations)
One huge advantage to working with a sleep consultant is that I am familiar with ALL the methods out there and can educate you on the various pros and cons of each. I joke that I’ve read all the books so you don’t have to! Really though, I’ve read Moms on Call, The Happiest Baby, Babywise, Healthy Sleep Habits, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, Secrets of The Baby Whisperer, 12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old, Good Night, Sleep Tight, The Sleepeasy Solution, and The No-Cry Sleep Solution and so I’m familiar with the full range of methods of techniques.
I do have a couple “favorites” that are actually variations of popular methods I’ve developed myself based on all my years of experience with in-person sleep training and virtual sleep consulting. That said, I am supportive of all methods and my goal is to help you choose the method that is best for you and your baby.
While I’ve never suggested CIO (“Cry It Out,” also known as “extinction”) as my primary recommendation for any of the families I’ve worked with, it is a perfectly valid method for certain situations and temperaments. If it ends up being right for you, I will totally support that!
I don’t refer to any sleep training method as “gentle” because 1) it’s shaming language that implies that other methods are “harsh” or “mean,” which isn’t true and only furthers the stigma around sleep training in general, 2) what feels gentle to one baby may not for another, and 3) the implied goal of “gentle” methods is less crying, but they usually take longer to work, which can result in more total crying... so I feel this is misleading. I prefer the terms more interactive vs less interactive, more hands on vs hands off, or parent-present vs giving space.
Unfortunately, I believe that “no-cry” or “tear-free” methods are a marketing ploy. While in the womb, a baby is constantly held and never hungry. Life outside the womb is obviously different, but many parents sacrifice their own sleep and sanity for weeks and months in an effort to prevent their baby from ever being uncomfortable and learning something new. Whether you start early or later, babies eventually have to adjust to being in the world, and expecting your baby to make this adjustment without ANY crying at all is completely unrealistic. A huge part of what I do though is help minimize the crying as much as possible, and teach you how to cope effectively when it does happen!
- One to three weeks of support: 1 week of implementing the sleep plan, and 2 additional weeks of prep with the All-Inclusive Package.
- ***Four (4) 30-minute 1:1 coaching calls (via Zoom) covering everything YOU need to be successful with sleep training. We'll start by covering Sleep Foundations (such as safe sleep environment, sleep hygiene, wake windows/daytime schedule, full feedings and feeding schedule, bedtime routines) so you can start seeing progress right away. The additional specific topics covered are customized based on your initial assessment, and may include any of the following:
- ***Corresponding PDF guides and video overviews (for the momma too busy or tired to read…you can listen or watch!) for each coaching topic covered
- ***Will check-in between coaching calls to see how you are feeling and will be available via email and/or Voxer for any questions that arise between coaching calls
- Customized Sleep Plan, which includes:
- Challenging Myths About Sleep Training (such as concerns about developmental readiness, night weaning, attachment, etc.)
- Understanding the Postpartum Brain (neurobiological changes, the role of fight/flight in response to stress)
- Psychoeducation on Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc.
- Getting Effective Support from Your Partner
- In-the-Moment Coping Strategies (such as breathing techniques, grounding, and other mindfulness tools, affirmations, coping statements, and thought testing to combat negative thinking patterns)
- Choosing the Right Sleep Training Method for You
- A full 24 hour age-appropriate schedule including all feedings and naps
- Detailed nap and bedtime routines
- Detailed instructions for how to implement your chosen sleep training method for bedtimes, naptimes, and overnight wakings
- Detailed instructions for overnight feedings and/or how to implement your chosen method for night weaning
- Links to additional resources for further reading if interested
- One (1) 30-minute Sleep Plan Review call (your partner is invited!) to go over the sleep plan and make sure you are 100% ready and confident to get started
- Seven (7) days of log reviews and virtual support (via email and/or Voxer) while you are implementing your sleep plan - I’m there to encourage and reassure you, answer questions, help troubleshoot, and celebrate your success!
- Bonus graduation guide: “We Sleep Trained, Now What?”
You’re a therapist, but this isn’t therapy, right?
What's the difference between Therapy and Consulting/coaching?
Correct. There is some overlap between therapy and coaching/consulting (I use “coaching” and “consulting” interchangeably) - both can help address a variety of mental, emotional, and relational challenges, can deepen self-awareness, teach coping skills, collaborate in solving specific problems, and improve general well-being.
Psychotherapy is considered a medical treatment for a mental health disorder - it can only be provided by a licensed clinician, who is subject to the laws and ethics of the state boards in which they practice. A therapist diagnoses the client and develops an appropriate treatment plan, which may include psychoeducation and teaching coping skills in order to better manage symptoms, but also involves implementing various therapeutic techniques in an effort to treat or heal various forms of mental distress.
Coaching, on the other hand, is offered by professionals from many educational backgrounds and does not have a state- or federally-regulated scope of practice. While coaching may be offered by licensed therapists, in this service these clinicians are not performing a medical role: even though they are qualified to do so, they do not diagnose and they do not provide medical treatment for a mental disorder. Again, even though a licensed therapist has the training to do so, as a coach it would be inappropriate to dig into any deeper, underlying mental or emotional issues that may be contributing to the present problem for which coaching is intended to solve.
While my hope is that the Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma program would be incredibly beneficial for mommas experiencing postpartum mood issues, this program is not therapy, does not substitute for therapy, and does not prevent, cure, or treat any mental disorder or medical disease. If I believe you would benefit from further assessment and possible treatment for a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder, I will provide referrals and help get you connected to an appropriate provider in your state. Unfortunately, even if you live in a state where I am licensed, due to the ethics of my therapy license, I am not able to provide therapy services to clients I have already worked with as a sleep consultant. If you are already working with a therapist and would like me to speak with them before or during our time working together in the Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma program, I am happy to do that! You will just need to ask them for a release of information form to give permission for them to contact me.
I’ve never had parents be unsuccessful with sleep training who followed the plan I outlined (or any changes we agreed on together), communicated clearly with me, and were consistent in their efforts. So basically it’s up to you how successful this process will be - I am here to educate, guide, encourage, and support you every way that I can, but I’m not the person who is putting your baby down at certain times or deciding how to respond when they cry - you have to do the work!
Because of the nature of the service I provide, I literally can’t offer a guarantee, since success is dependent on if and how you are implementing the plan I give you. However, if you do not feel satisfied with your baby’s progress after the full week of implementing the plan (and as long as you are communicating with me and being consistent in your efforts), then I will provide a full reassessment, updated sleep plan, and an additional week of daily support to help you reach your goals.
I’ve seen some other sleep consultants that offer 2 weeks of support while implementing the sleep plan…why do you only offer 1 week for that part of the program?
Great question! The main reason is because I specialize in babies - while toddlers and preschoolers often require at least 1-2 weeks before seeing significant progress, babies learn much more quickly! Overnight sleep is usually where we want it within just a couple nights, and the next few days we work on nailing down naps. I found that in almost all cases, especially when appropriate time was spent on the prep work, families had seen huge progress in their baby’s sleep after that first week and didn’t find much value in having daily support for that second week.
The Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma - All-Inclusive program is my signature infant program because I believe it has everything a momma needs to be successful in sleep training her 3-12 month old, including working through anxieties about the process and other mental or practical obstacles to success. My Sleeping Baby, Sane Momma - Classic program dives right in without the extra prep work for the momma who was ready to do this yesterday but just needs a more customized plan and accountability to stick with it. If you’re looking for something different or at a different budget, email me at tara@arenewedmomma.com with what you’re looking for and/or what your budget is and I’ll let you know if I can offer a different package to meet your needs!
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